


Last Christmas - Wham!

by Death_Herself



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Mess, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Comic Deadpool, Comic Spidey, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Drinking, F/F, Fluff, Identity Reveal, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda?, M/M, Partner Swapping, Trash Talk, competitions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 17:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13128609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Death_Herself/pseuds/Death_Herself
Summary: Deadpool throws his annual Christmas Party. It doesn't go according to plan and maybe that's not a bad thing.





	Last Christmas - Wham!

_ Blast from the past Christmas bash _ . It wasn’t necessarily a good name for the party, and he’s not going to admit that’s what he was calling it internally. He couldn’t remember what he wrote on the invitation because he’d sent them out in February and again in October. Almost everyone invited has shown up though. He didn’t expect that at all, not when over half of them claimed to hate his guts. Definitely not after the mess of his invitation style. 

“Do you have a secretary?” His deep brown eyes twinkle with judgement. His perfect smile is smug and that luscious goatee just makes him down right evil.

“Yes. She does a lot.” Wade holds up his right hand and wiggles the fingers at the pompous tux wearing Tony Stark. “You should see what she does after work. She’s a real-”

“Ah, ah! No. My heart can’t take the idea of your… spare time.”

“I thought we had a deep connection going on here, Stark.”

Soft hands grip both of Tony’s biceps before the man can open his mouth. “ _ Tony. _ ”

Wade knew that tone, that was the tone of a someone scolding their partner. His eyes widen as Bruce Banner looks up at Tony and stands his ground. The billionaire weighs his options and lets out a huff. “Strippers, fires, weapons being drawn? And I’m out, Wilson. I’m here because everyone seems to find you endurable.”

“Awwww. I love you too!” 

The two scientists wander off towards the small gathering of their teammates before anything nasty can be said. 

“You got his Ralph Lauren’s in a bunch, Wilson. Kudos.” 

Wade smiles as Logan appears next to him, resting his arm on the man’s shoulder. The man has a tendency to just appear, and disappear. “It’s easy. I exist and suddenly everyone is in a tuff.”

He gets a small grunt and his arm physically removed from the smaller man. “If you weren’t so obnoxious people might be able to stand you.”

Wade nods slowly, but he isn’t paying any attention to the things Logan is saying. He’s too busy staring at his glorious sideburns. “Do me a favor, Wolvie?”

Logan looks up at him warily and when a package is put into his hands he snarls. “No.”

“Pleeeeeease! I can’t wear them! I’m not beautiful and hairy like you!” 

Kitty snatches the package out of Logan’s hands and tosses it to Anna Marie who catches it and smiles widely. “Oh, Logan. You gotta put these on.”

“Never going to happen.”

“You have to be festive!” Kitty grabs his arm when he tries to move, Anna Marie places her gloved hands over his other arm. 

“It’s Wade’s party, honey. We gotta do as he asks.”

“Exactly!” Wade chimes in, receiving a glare from Logan who cedes and lets the girls guide him to chair.

Wade happily watches from his spot as the girls clip tiny Christmas tree ornaments to his sideburns. It was easy to see that even though Logan was pouting, he was enjoying the attention from his teammates. 

So many other heroes and anti-heroes were lounging about and chatting with one another. It was beautiful in a strange way. Wade was thrilled to be the one to bring these people together, but it was who hasn’t arrived that Wade was trying not to focus on. He was doing everything he could to not be disappointed that one particularly amazing hero hasn’t shown. He knew better than to be excited, not after the year they had.

Cold fingers run up his exposed neck. He turns his head with a mouthful of eggnog he was regretting, to see his wife smirking up at him. Correction, ex-wife. Those sort of titles didn’t exactly matter to her.

“Our guests are loud. I blame you entirely.”

Forcing the mouthful down his throat burns. The Southern Comfort was probably to blame. Wade pulls down on the ends of his mask to cover his chin again. “ _ My _ guests are supposed to be loud. It’s Christmas!” 

Her golden eyes narrow and nails dig slightly. “I helped with these celebrations, lover.”

“And I appreciate your help, darling. I really do, but this is still my party.” He raises his glass to her as she waves her hand. Titles are as she chooses. Wade and Deadpool both expected nothing less of the Queen of the Underworld/Queen of Vampires.

“You promised this was a booty calling, Wade.” Her hand wanders across the Kevlar covering his chest.

“ _ Date _ . I asked you to be my date for the night.” Wade’s body tenses under her hand. If she pushes for a ‘booty call’ he’d cave in an instant. This party was supposed to be fun not open wounds. 

“Date.” She tilts her head and looks towards the guests in groups around Wade’s open apartment floor. “I see.” He knew in that moment that Shiklah was bored and plotting. 

“Pool.” 

Wade and Shiklah turn towards the voice. Both react, but the reactions contrasted drastically. Shiklah rolls her eyes and huffs, while Wade squeaks with excitement.

“I didn’t actually think you’d show, Spidey!” 

Deadpool moves and completely ignores the way Spider-Man vibrates with tension when he hugs him. The thing that  _ does _ catch Wade’s attention is the red-headed woman holding onto the spandex gloved hand attached to the man in his arms. He makes eye contact with her and is instantly miffed. 

The spider’s voice sounds strained, “I almost didn’t. Mary Jane insisted though.”

Wade releases his friend-but-definitely-not-best-friends-or-lover and holds out his hand for this Mary Jane to take. She takes it with the top of her hand exposed. His questioning expression shows through the mask. “Wade Wilson. You can call me Deadpool though.”

The three people around him all give him a look, as if he had confused the order of that introduction. When he doesn’t correct it and quickly releases her hand, they decided to look past it. Shiklah’s the one to move the conversation along. The soft lavender skin of her hands wraps around the pale skin of Mary Jane’s still extended hand. “Your hair is like fire. Beautiful and fierce in a room of pretentious naked humans.”

Wade’s shoulders droop as he groans. “For the last time, super suits aren’t their skin.”

Shiklah doesn’t pull her eyes off the tinted cheeks of Spider-Man’s date. “Gods are more modestly dressed than these mortals, Wade. They are naked.” 

“You can see their junk very clearly.” Mary Jane smiles sheepishly as she joins in on Shiklah’s rant.

“Yes.  _ Junk. _ The ones in the trunk or the beaten meat?” 

Spider-Man cringes in unison with Deadpool.  “You really need to watch who you use slang around.”

“It’s not my fault she uses it incorrectly!” 

“This is last Christmas all over again.” Spider-Man runs his gloved hand over his masked face.

“Hey, that was fun! I still have some Pool Fuel if you want some?”

“I’m pretty sure that gave me ulcers. I planned on having a real drink. Just one!” He quickly tacks on when Deadpool’s features beneath the mask light up. The man squeals again, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“Oh, Spidey! I knew you could lay off being a stick in the mud!” 

The two ‘heroes’ direct their attention to the table lined with drinks. Wade watches his idol look over his options on the table. It must have mattered to Spidey, because he took forever to finally choose. By the time he rolls his mask up and takes the first sip they both overhear the conversation that is still happening between their dates.

“You are as radiant as a Queen.” Shiklah steps forward, directly into Mary Jane’s personal space. Too close, too intimate. 

“Th-thank you.” 

“Shiklah.” It’s a stern warning coming from Wade. It’s obvious what his ex-wife is trying to do, and if Spidey’s body language was any tell then he knew what was happening too. 

“You know this spidery man well, yes? You must worry about those long nights he’s away.”

“Excuse me? I don’t think that’s-” Spidey steps forward, but freezes when his date cuts him off.

“He tells me he will call and he doesn’t.”

Wade’s eyes widen and before he can stop anyone, Shiklah continues. “Yes, they call and it isn’t even about booty. It’s always, ‘I’m busy, lover’.” Her black lined lips curl the flawless lavender flesh of her cheeks as she smirks, “Come with me, Mary Jane. Us womanly figures must stick together.” 

Mary Jane’s smile is bright when she looks to her date. “Have fun, babe! We’ll catch up soon.”

The two men stay frozen to their spots as their dates move through the crowd of spandex clad bodies. Wade turns his head towards Spidey, seeing the lower half of his face reveals a lot emotion. 

Shock. “Did...your ex-wife just steal my date?”

With an uncomfortable swallow Wade tries to make light of the situation, “It’s better than some hero with junk exposed? Shiklah is-” His voice comes out in a squeak, “Harmless?”

Spidey’s jaw clenches and Wade quickly shuts his mouth. The half filled cup in Spider-Man’s hand is being guzzled and Wade is seriously regretting the whole idea of inviting Shiklah.

“Mr. Wiiiiiiiiiiiilson!”  Bob huffs against Wade’s ear, pulling him out of the internal beration. The smaller man wraps his green clad arm around his boss’ shoulder. If Wade weren’t so distracted by the  _ date crisis  _ he would have used the Christmas suit themed bro joke he’d been saving just for Bob. “There you are Mr. Wilson. Been lookin’ for you everywhere.”

“I’m not sure now is a-”

“It’s Spider-Babe.” Weasel appears next to Bob and motions towards Spider-Man with the cup in his hand. “Hey, how’d you get him to show up?”

“How’d you get out of hell?” Wade eyes Jack suspiciously.

The man just nods slowly and shrugs. “Fuck if I know.” He takes a long swig of his drink and eyeballs Spider-Man. Completely ignoring the scrutinizing gaze from his friend.

**These timelines are really confusing.**

Take a cannon to this canon?

“Wanna join our drinking game, Mr. Wilson? Whadabout you, Mr. Spider-Man?”

Wade opens his mouth to tell them to scram, but is cut off by Spidey, “What’s the game?”

 

-

 

“She always runs off like this.” His fourth drink is nearly gone, the game is starting to heat up, and Spidey isn’t having nearly as much as the other men.

Wade leans back against the wall next to his Spider friend. “I invited my ex-wife here as my date. If we are throwing an exclusive pity party I’ll let you be crowned king if I can be your queen.”

Spider-Man turns his head towards Wade. His exposed lips curling into a smile just before he bursts into a giggle fit. “God, you’re so weird.”

“I thought about changing that to my middle name.” Wade smiles back. For once he was wishing he could see Spidey’s face. The desire has always been small and insignificant. He didn’t need to know who the hero was to appreciate him. He was trying to ignore his own insecurities over showing any amount of his skin, like he was now, and he wasn’t about to ask someone else to show theirs. “I’ve got a brand to keep up with. Alliteration and ass, amigo.”

The hero shakes his head and runs his teeth over his bottom lip. “Holy healing, hombre.”

“Such sassy strikes, Spidey.” Wade raises his eyebrow, challenging him to continue as he takes a sip from his cup.

“Really reaching...Rooby-Roo?”

Whiskey sprays from Wade’s mouth before he can cover it. His laughter is muffled by his arm as he wipes his chin. “That’s cheating you dweeb!”

“Blame it on the booze.”

“Got you feeling loose.”

“Blame it on ‘tron”

“Got you in the zone.”

Bob and Jack look over their shoulders when they hear the two men leaning against the wall burst out in unison, “Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a alcohol!”

Weasel groans, “Come on. Stark is entering a new group of people, he’s bound to mention his company again.”

Wade’s stomach hurts from laughing too hard. He meets Weasel’s eyes, not that the man can tell, and shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure this guy is already wasted.”

“Hey! I’m not wasted. You have no idea how this body works.”

“Oooh, teach me the ways of your body, Baby Boy?”

Spider-Man inhales sharply, whatever he was gonna say catches on his throat and Wade swallows against the knot forming in his own throat. There’s a long moment where the two just look at each other. With their eyes hidden behind masks there was no way for them to know how the other was feeling. 

“I’m… going to get another drink.” Spidey brushes past Wade, shakily walking towards the table.

“Smooth, Wade. You just freaked out the poor guy.” Weasel shakes his head and turns back towards the open floor to continue the game with Bob. The smaller man pointing towards the crowd and tapping Weasel’s arm.

Wade lets out a slow breath and turns his head to watch Spidey. Normally when he says things like that Spidey will brush it off and put him in his place. He didn’t this time. He acted like the idea was something to be embarrassed by.

He pounds his fist back into the wall he’s leaning against.  **Good job.** He presses away from the wall, pulls his mask down, and pats Weasel on the back. “Once you guys are done with this game there’s better games downstairs.”

Bob and Jack both look back at him then to each other and smile. “Grab some booze, Bobby!”

“Yessir, Mr. Hammer!” The smaller man nods quickly and zips through the crowd leaving Jack with Wade. 

“I hate that he calls everyone mister.” 

Wade smiles, “It’s endearing.”

“You mispronounced annoying.” Weasel straightens his glasses and looks towards the drink table. “You gonna pick up the pieces of your failed pick up lines?”

“That wasn’t a pick up line, asshole. That was banter...said at the wrong time.” He looks in the same direction as his hero friend, catching sight of Spider-Man being chatted up by two white haired women. It’s taken a lot of work, but he’s able to swallow down jealousy. The adorable hero wasn’t his, and even if he was there wouldn’t be any reason for him to be jealous. Feelings aside, their leagues were vastly different and there’s no excuse for feeling entitled. 

“Well, those look like pick up lines coming from two smoking babes. You good with just hanging out with me and Bob?”

He wasn’t okay with leaving the hero to be picked up by two babes. He should just leave it though. The poor guy was uncomfortable with the jokes. 

Weasel was calling after him when he realized he was already bee-lining to the webbed wonder. So much for dropping it. 

“Laaaaadies!”He motions towards their bodies, then motions to the women individually, “And Silver, hey Fellatio.”

Silver blinks slowly, clearly unamused. Black Cat’s the one to show the most emotion, anger towards the nickname and the greeting to her chest first. “Douchepool.”

“Aw! Kitty cat gives adorable pet names. Unlike this guy.” Wade motions to Spider-Man as he wraps his arm around the hero’s shoulder. Normalcy. If he pushed for normalcy then maybe Spidey would snap out of the obvious bad mood he’s in.

“What have I said about touching, Wade?”  **Wrong move.** Spider-Man lifts the mercenary’s arm and steps out of the embrace.

“Something about not…” He continues quickly, “What are you beautiful people talking about? How dope this party is? Iron Pant’s killer goatee?”

Silver guides her hair back over her shoulder and keeps a level gaze pinned to where Deadpool’s eyes are. “We were actually about to ask if the darling Spider-Man wanted to join our private party.”

“Rumor has it your rooms are open?” Felicia smiles and runs her hand up the metallic arm of Silver’s suit. 

Deadpool and Spider-Man lock up, but Wade recovers unlike Spidey. “Sweet Christmas, yes… they are.” He looks towards the hero who hasn’t responded at all.

“What do you say, Spidey?” Lips painted black curl into a smile, and Wade can’t help wondering just how familiar Felicia actually was with Spidey. Is it common knowledge of the criminal’s connection to the hero? 

“Felicia…” It comes out extremely shaky and makes Wade incredibly uncomfortable. 

“Aw, babyyy.” The coo certainly sounds like they are familiar. Wade swallows thickly.

“I came here to hang out with Deadpool…”

He’s not sure he heard that right. Was he turning her down? Wade’s chest swelled with pride he knew he didn’t deserve to feel. Silver snapped him out of it, “He can join us.”

Felicia and Spidey whip their heads to her in unison, “What?!”

The female mercenary’s eyebrow rises. “Don’t seem so surprised, love. You’ve heard what they call him. I’m always up for testing street names. What do you say  _ Merc with a Mouth? _ ”

Wade opens his mouth, the one she is showing interest in, but is cut off. Spidey’s body is tense and displaying anger, “No! Absolutely not. I am in no way interested in this proposal.”

So much for pride. Spidey’s tone stings Wade to the core. Felicia’s eyes move to the hero, lips pursing and eyes narrowing. “I see.”

As if both women pick up on some cue, their expressions matched. “Ahhh. Yes. Very well.”

Metallic gloves wrap around Felicia’s black latex covered hip. Silver leans in to whisper something to her lover that makes the cat themed criminal nod and smirk. Wade can’t shake the feeling that they are whispering about him and possibly Spidey too. 

His attention is pulled away from them when a hand lands on his shoulder, “Wade!”

He turns his head and eyes to the obviously intoxicated Clint. It is not a good time, and he’s ready to tell him that, “Hey, man.”

“Bucky caught your sink on fire. You should have seen it!”

“What was he doing??” Wade perks up and peeks around his friend to look towards the kitchen. A faint haze swirls around the lights of the ceiling. He missed a fire and now he’s bummed. 

“Oh, man. He was doing flaming Sambucas with Nat as a dare. Cap walked in and they both threw the drinks in the sink to avoid his judgy eyes. It caught your hand towels on fire.”

“Wait...my Santa towels?!”

“He gave his life for a noble cause.”

He whimpers as Clint puts his hand to his own chest, mocking sincerity for a fallen soldier. 

“I fought an old lady on eBay for those!!” Wade groans and is tempted to head to the kitchen. He wants to see the damage for himself, but he remembers he was currently dealing with Spidey damage control.

Clint is talking when he turns his head back to Spidey. The women left at some point, and weren’t even in the den anymore. They probably headed off to a room, and Spidey was gone too. Had he taken them up on the offer?

“Wade?”

Wade turns his head back to Clint, “Sorry… I was-”

“Did I ruin your Spider time?”

“It’s fine…”

“He seemed pissed?”

With a sigh, Wade nods. “He’s probably off with two babes now.”

“I think he went outside. He headed to the balcony?” Clint points to the sliding doors leading to an empty balcony.

Wade hesitates, staring at the doors for a long moment before looking back to Clint. He just laughs. “Go you idiot.”

“Take pictures for me!” Deadpool leans in and kiss his friend’s cheek before pushing through people to get to the sliding doors. He wants to smile. His friends are all enjoying themselves. Logan is still wearing the ornaments, Clint is taking pictures fires, Nat and Bucky started a fire. 

But Spider-Man was all he could think about.

Clint calls after him, “Been on it, Pool!”

 

-

 

Soft and tiny specks of snow, nipping air, and a lone shadowy form sitting on the chest high ledge are what he’s met with when he reaches the roof. Wade can’t remember the last time he fully enjoyed snow. It was always his favorite thing when he was little. The lights from the city are shadowing a lot of his favorite hero’s face, and from what he can tell the mask is pushed up.

“Can I join you?” He asks so softly that he’s not even sure the hero can hear it.

“...yeah.”

Wade takes a deep breath and moves to the ledge, leaning his back against it and staring at the roof while Spidey stares at the streets.  “I was going to say no…”

They spend a long moment with the statement lingering between them, neither saying anything of making a move to talk. 

“Of course you were.” Spidey says finally and crinkles the middle of his cup a few times to fill the silence.

“Spidey...” Wade swallows thickly, “We always-”

“I know.” The hero turns his head a bit to look at Deadpool. They honestly do joke like this, and that’s not the problem. “How can you be so chill about everything that happens to you?”

“I wouldn’t say chill…” This isn’t where Wade thought the conversation would go. He expected Spidey to put him in his place not talk about real life issues, “Repress and internalize is more of my tactic.”   
  


There’s a sad smile just barely visible, and Deadpool can’t stand the way it makes his chest ache. 

“You still invited me even after all the horrible things we’ve been through.”

“Well…” The words he’s looking for take a moment to come to him, “We’re friends.”

Spidey nods slowly and crinkles the cup some more. “Friends. Not clinging to the heartmate thing anymore?”

“I will always bring that up, webs.”

“How long can you be friends with someone before you expect more? You’ve never asked for my real identity.”

“I don’t need it. You’re Spider-Man.” It’s not a lie, but a small part of him will always hope and want to know who his hero is. That’s a double edged sword though. What if he was disappointing? He didn’t really believe that to be true for Spider-Man though. 

“Alcohol moves through my system quicker than an average persons. Not as quick as yours, but enough to where I don’t stay drunk for very long.” He sets the cup down and turns his body around on the ledge to face Wade. “Still feel the nausea and dizziness though. Consider that me teaching you the way of  _ this body. _ ”

The way his tone dips when he says ‘this body’ makes Wade shiver, but Spidey is continuing.

“Usually, when I share my identity with people they are disappointed and I’ve only done it a handful of times.”

“You’d still be Spider-Man though, I know the mask is a persona… but a lot of the traits carry over.” Spider-Man is looking at him again, as if trying to decide if what he’s saying is true. Wade keeps the masked gaze. 

“Is that Wade or Deadpool being wise and all knowing?”

His masks shows the smile, and it’s just as wide as Spidey’s exposed on. “I don’t know. They are both generally giant idiots.”

That makes the smile on Spidey’s lips falter. He wouldn’t have seen it if his mask was down, and Wade doesn’t know how to react to this newfound knowledge. 

“At one point I would have agreed, or even said ‘you mean always’, but you’re the only person who hasn’t been a complete idiot towards me. I’ve been the idiot. Especially to you.” Spidey rubs his gloved hand over his lips, hesitating with something.

“Hey. I wasn’t trying to-”

The mask comes off and all of Wade’s thoughts stop, so does his mouth. Brain and body restarting.

“I’m not… good with the whole sharing feelings thing, but-” He smiles and looks at Wade with his big hazel eyes. “Thanks for always being there for me.”

“For...for…”  **This reboot is taking longer than expected.** “Holy shit.”

Spidey- Peter- laughs and shakes his head. 

Wade finally settles on a thought, “No wonder you brought Mary Jane! Peter fucking Parker… I  _ am _ an idiot.”

“We brought our exes as dates…I think we are both idiots.”

“I’ve seen your D-face!”

Peter’s eyes widen, “Excuse me?”

“Dead face?”

Peter blinks for a moment before shoving Wade’s shoulder, “You know how that sounded!”

“I guess you’ve seen mine though too?” Wade nods slowly and smirks, “You know what they say. The d-face mirrors the o-face.”

The Spider-Man mask is back in place and Peter is slipping off the ledge, getting up in Wade’s space. “Have you tested this theory, big boy?”

A come on.

**A come on.**

There’s no way Peter meant it as it sounded. He wouldn’t intentionally flirt back. A small huff laugh coming from under the mask leaves Wade even more confused.

He’s moving before he can respond, and Wade is desperate to keep their interaction going. 

“Wait!”

“Hm?” Peter doesn’t look back when he speaks, continuing towards the fire escape beside the balcony. 

“Video games! Weas and Bob are having a competition, you liked my man cave before right? This is better.”

The hero stops and turns to his friend. “...If it’s a competition, then you’re going down.”

 

-

 

The white noise of the city is more peaceful than the party in his apartment, and Wade almost wants to head back out when he and Spidey re-enter. He leans over to his friend, “Basement.”

“This is an apartment. You set up in the basement?”

Wade shrugs, “Yeah?”

“I don't want to know.”

“Good choice. The elevator is-” He locks up when his eyes land on something in the direction of his frozen finger extended towards the hall.

“Is?” Spider-Man stares at him for a moment, and when his eyes move in the direction of Wade’s attention the man’s hands move to cover his eyes.

“No! Don’t look! There’s a clown… yeah and everyone has coulrophobia!”

“What? Wade! Get off of me!” 

Wade almost forgot how strong the hero was until his fingers are nearly broken. He doesn’t want Peter to see it, the thing on the couch by the hall. A clown would have been better than what was actually happening. He waits until the realization sets in, eyes glued to Spidey as it happens. He’s not sure what he expected exactly, but being gripped by the wrist and dragged towards the scene wasn’t it.

“Wait, Spidey. Just...Just let it go. Deal with it tomorrow.”

That’s not possible, and he knows it. When they are close enough to the women, Wade would rather hide than confront either of them. And he certainly doesn’t want the group ogling their lesbionic display on the couch to confront him.

Peter says nothing though and Wade isn’t sure why. 

A lacy red bra flies past Wade’s head and cheers erupt within the small group. He feels wrong watching Shiklah at work, especially since she’s undressing and kissing Mary Jane, the woman Peter brought. They’ve been standing and staring long enough that Wade turns his head towards Peter, speaking quietly, “Hey…” 

The grip on his wrist tightens and he’s being dragged again. Down the hall and right to the elevators. He tries again, “Spidey-” 

He’s shoved into the elevators when the doors open, eyes widening when a warm body presses him into the rail and wall. Peter’s voice is low and holding some emotion that Wade can’t pinpoint, “Don’t.”

He nods several times as if that’s all he knows how to do. Little tingles of excitement run through him, guilt too, because the hero hasn’t moved one bit and he doesn’t want him to. He wants to stay here, breathing in Spidey’s heavy breaths and feeling his tensed body against his. 

“Competition, right?”

Wade swallows thickly, “In the basement...yes…”

With a nod, Spidey pulls back and presses the lower level button. Wade stays absolutely still, staying pinned to the wall by the fading warmth of Peter’s body. He has no idea what just happened.

 

-

 

“I think my controller is unplugged, Mr. Wilson!”

“Eat my fumes!”

“Why do you always get first pick of characters, Wade! You bitch!”

“My controller-”

“And Bowser goes down with a lightning bolt!”

“WHY SPIDEY?? WEAS! NOT YOU TOO! COME ON!”

“Don’t think you’re beating me and Luigi, Hammer!”

“I’m fine with being second as long as little miss dick head is third.”

“My controller-”

“We didn’t even plug it in Bob! Shut up!”

“I picked a character though!” Bob groans and kicks Jack in the side. The blonde swats the foot away just as ink covers his screen. “Fuck!”

Wade starts cackling, “I have no control over my bodily fluids. I’m so sorry. Did it get in your mouth??”

“I know where you sleep.”

“You gonna piss in my mouth while I sleep? Nawww. You didn’t seem to mind when I did it.”

“Can I join your antics, Mr. Wilson?”

“Sure thing, Bob. Hear that, Weas? You gonna have two dudes pissing in your- NOOOOO!”

“YES!” Peter shoves Wade down to the ground and whoops loudly. “Don’t let the winner interrupt your piss talk, fellas. Something about two friends non-consensually pissing in their sleeping friend’s mouth?”

“You just took all the fun out of it, Spidey.”

Peter shrugs, but when Wade moves back up and sits even closer to him he locks up. It’s brief, but noticeable. Wade doesn’t know what to think when the hero gets up from his spot on the floor. “I’m pretty tired of wiping the floor with the three of you. Think we should pick another game, or I’m out.”

“No! We can’t do that Mr. Spider-Man. I challenge Mr. Hammer to a duel.”

“Why can’t you just say it normal, Bobby??”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean-”

“Hey, Spidey-” Wade stands up and follows the hero. “Are you really leaving?”

“What? Oh… I don’t know. We’ve been down here a while.” He rolls up the end of his mask to drink from the glasses they’ve kept filled while playing. He seems content on keeping his eyes glued to the pool table beside him.

“Oh…” Wade has to ask, it’s been killing him for over an hour. “What was that in the elevator?”

The hero’s entire body tenses before simultaneously relaxing, he knew he would ask. “I was upset.”

They fall into an awkward silence. At least awkward for Wade. He doesn’t know how to respond. Which is probably why he goes with, “You told Silver and Felicia you came to hang with me? I know you just said that to defuse the situation, but-”

“I meant that.”

**Be still my heart.** “Oh… But… Mary Jane insisted you come?”

Wade’s surprised when Peter doesn’t flinch at hearing her name. “I lied.”

“You...insisted?”

“Yes…”

“Why?” Wade’s voice has dipped into something soft and mystified.

“I like spending time with you.” He finally faces Wade.

“Then why do you want to go?”

Peter just smiles and holds out a second glass, “Cheers with me, Wade.”

He blinks and takes the glass, rolling up his mask as Peter speaks again. “To this Christmas being just as entertaining as last Christmas.”

Their glasses clink and Wade can’t help himself, starting in with, “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart-”

Soft and warm lips cut him off. Hands move down his sides and rest just above his festive utility belt. He looks down at Peter when the hero pulls back, “I was worried I would do that.”

“...I don’t under-”

“Heartmates.” Peter says it so softly and genuinely that Wade’s insides melt. Lips are on him again, hands are pulling him closer and taking his drink from him. 

One of those running jokes he’s stuck to, the one about being crawled on by the spider-babe is suddenly a reality and he can’t breathe. His butt hits the edge of the pool table and he doesn’t have to do anything, Peter is doing it for him. Pushing him over it and pressing him flat on his back while straddling him.

“I don’t want to wake up from this sweet Christmas dream. I don’t think I’ve been good enough for this dream though.”

Hands are working at his utility belt though, gently laying the glittery and bejewled mess beside them and returning to the buttons of his pants. The whiskey soaked breath against his lips is warm and seemingly real. “Are we really going to add in Christmas dirty talk to this?”

“You tell me, Spider-babe.”

Pale cheeks beneath the mask tinge pink as Peter smiles, “Have you been good this year?”

Wade wets his lips, “No…”

Peter hums and shifts the pants of the Deadpool suit down. Revealing soft red panties, with tiny cats in Santa hats, doing nothing to hide how excited Wade is or even covering his manhood to begin with. If Wade could die he would, because the man of his dreams is staring at his underwear for much longer than he’d like. 

“You’ve been very naughty, baby. Don’t worry though.” He looks up to Wade and smirks, “I’ll help get you on the nice list.”

The both burst into awkward giggles, “I’m...I’m so confused and turned on right now.”

Peter smiles and leans into kiss him. The hero moans out in surprise when Wade grips his ass firmly. “You’re really kissing me!”

“I’m trying to do more than kiss you, but you’re not working with me.”

“More?” 

As if it were a challenge, Peter shifts down Wade’s body and peels the festive panties away from scarred flesh. A single kiss pressed to his revealed flesh and Wade knows Spidey isn’t joking.

 

-

 

“Do you smell that?”

Bob looks to Weasel and inhales deeply. “Smell what?”

They both cover their ears when the red lights and blaring siren start up. Bob is up first, grabbing his bottle of Jameson and quickly covering his ear again with the bottle in hand. His eyes settle on the room he’s paid no attention to for the last hour. 

“Oh god! Mr. Wilson!” He tries to cover his eyes, but remembers the loud sound and just turns away instead.

“Called it!” Jack smirks to Bob when he looks to the room as well.

“What?!” Bob shouts back.

“Called it!” Jack shouts again.

“I can’t hear you!”

“What?!” Jack sighs the moment it leaves his mouth, he motions to the door and they scurry out of the room.

 

-

 

Eyes are on him, he can tell. He wasn’t sure why until he felt a draft running through his legs and midriff.  A small shivering voice speaks up next to him. “They said they localized the flame to the kitchen.”

“That’s good.” He watches the men in tarnished yellow jackets carrying hoses away from his apartment, some of them are already laughing and chatting up each other like this wasn’t a big deal. Wade guesses it wasn’t. This is the first time his entire home hasn’t blown up with a fire. 

He is surprised though, a lot of his guests have brought the party out into the snow dusted patio and are continuing whatever they had going on inside. According to Clint, who held strict eye contact with Wade, the fire was a joint effort. He promised to send the video to him later and Wade couldn’t wait to see who actually started it.

“So… Your pants are comfy.”

Wade looks down to Peter finally, seeing the smaller hero clutching the waistband of his Deadpool suit pants tightly. They smile towards each other, holding in laughter, “I can’t say the same to you, baby boy.”

“I don’t have a mancave, but I do have a bed and privacy.” Peter tilts his head after he says it.

An invitation to Peter Parker/Spider-Man’s home is almost too much. Wade’s body vibrates with excitement, "Can take out be ordered?”

“I don’t think anyone would deliver on Christmas at 1 in the morning.”

Wade smirks, “You haven’t been ordering from the right places. Santa’s helpers have their ways. So do nice little old ladies forcing their grandsons to work.”

The hero takes a few steps backward. “You gonna show me this new world of underground take out?”

 

-

 

_ “I can’t.” _

_ “Ohhhh, come on. You can do this, Steve.” _

_ “Does it have to be flaming?” _

_ Everyone in the room bursts into a laughter, but Bucky pushes forward. “That’s the point of the drink.” _

_ “Can I watch you both do one?” _

_ The counter is soaked in alcohol, and the wad of paper towels attempting to soak it up should have been an obvious no-no to everyone, but drunk minds don’t work very well. _

_ “Alright.” _

_ “What are you guys doing?” _

_ Several glasses shatter and the flame ignites the counter and paper towels. The different reactions around the room are what make the video priceless. All the heroes are too drunk to properly decide what to do. Throwing more Santa towels at it was definitely not the way to do. _

“I think Nat’s face is my favorite.” Peter manages to say through his heavy, breathless laughter. 

Masks gone, suits gone, and take out almost gone. It’s a level of comfort and ease he’s not felt before, and Wade wants to hold onto it forever.

Wade rubs the tears from his eyes and nods, “She noped out of there right before it happened.”

A soft hand roams over his chest, and he instantly doesn’t care about his phone. He’s glad he was able to see Spider-Man’s eyes tonight, he was really glad actually. They are so warm and telling, and it makes him smile without even realizing it. 

Spidey leans in to kiss him at the same moment he does, synchronized and perfect. With the party video and phone abandoned beside him, Wade lets himself be pulled closer by all the super strength of his favorite hero. 

 

His Christmas parties always stray from the original plans, and he’s quite content with that. 

**Author's Note:**

> This wouldn't be posted if it weren't for chainsmokingnun. Praise them.
> 
> Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy December 24th!  
> Enjoy my canon mix and match. :D   
> You're all awesome! Thank you for reading!
> 
> (The title is slightly misleading... but not if you squint?)


End file.
